The Courts & Seasons series is based on one of my very first short stories. I am calling the series a Fae Arthurian reimagining because it bears almost no resemblance to actual Celtic mythology - but I am having fun with it! It is also a great diversion from the tedium of editing my two upcoming books.
I have tried to ignore this story but recently I began to dream about it and I think that means it's time to write it. Look for book one - The Court of Fallen Leaves - in late 2025 or sign up to for series updates via my elist!
The Dream
I had several dreams last night. The one I dreamt just before I woke up was a short dream about a beautiful green plain filled with white buffalo. Not a herd, but several (I don't remember how many exactly). The point of view of the dream was above the plain looking down. There was a voiceover saying, "they were looking out on a wide plain, but it was the white buffalo that held everyone's attention."
Biblical Associations
When I look at a dream that I think may be spiritual, I turn to biblical and religious references first. I do this because as a Catholic, I've read the Bible and am familiar with Church traditions. So these elements tend to be part of my personal symbology.
There are no buffalo in the Bible so I focused on the color white and the significance of a green plain. I immediately associated the green plain with the green pasture of the 23rd Psalm. To me, the 23rd Psalm is about trusting and following God.
My favorite verse about the color white is from Isaiah, so that was another easy association.
Come now and let us discuss this, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be like snow. Though they are as red as crimson, they shall become as white as wool.. - Isaiah 1:18 (New Catholic Bible)
After my first impressions, I like to do a word search in an electronic Catholic Bible to find key terms (like white) and read through the verses cited. I also use Fr. Hardon's Modern Catholic Dictionary. (I have the print version but you can access the entire dictionary free online.)
The liturgical color for all feasts of the Trinity, Our Lord (except his Cross and Passion), the Blessed Virgin, angels, all saints except martyrs, and on Sundays during Easter Season; also in the celebration of the sacraments that do not imply penance or the remission of sins. White is a symbol of joy, purity, innocence, holiness, and glory. Pope St. Pius V (reigned 1566-72) prescribed that the ordinary papal attire be white. - Fr. Hardon via Catholic Culture
There may be a lot of Bible passages for a single term, so I try to focus on those that have personal meaning to me and / or are coherent with other aspects of the dream.
While white is occasionally associated with symptoms of illness in the Bible, I don't feel that applied to this dream.
More often, white is used to describe angels, God and Jesus in the Bible. It is mentioned in connection with the transfiguration and the resurrection. There are so many references to the color white in Scripture that I can’t list them all here.
But Mary [Magdalen] stood at the sepulchre without, weeping. Now as she was weeping, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre, And she saw two angels in white, sitting, one at the head, and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been laid. - John 20:11,12 (Douay-Rheims Bible)
The four horses mentioned in Revelation and in Ezekiel include a white horse. In Revelation, Jesus rides a white horse. The lamb of God who represents Jesus is white as is the countenance of the Ancient of Days.
The common denominator in all of this is that white is associated with the holiness. What's really interesting about this to me, is that the Indian meaning of the white buffalo is very similar.
Native American Associations
I have an interest in the symbols and teachings of indigenous cultures. I knew the white buffalo was significant in Native American culture but I didn't know the details, so I decided to do some research.
I learned that there is a Lakota myth about the White Buffalo Calf woman who was a supernatural being who appeared to teach the people the seven rituals. All the rituals are fascinating but I found Wanáǧi Yuhápi or the Keeping of the Soul especially interesting.
According to the Sacred White Buffalo Woman, when a Lakota person dies, their souls must be purified so they can reunite with Wakȟáŋ Tȟáŋka - the Great Spirit. Traditionally, a lock of hair from the departed was cut and held over a piece of burning sweet grass for purification purposes. After being wrapped in a piece of sacred buckskin, called the soul bundle, the bundle was kept by the soul’s keeper in a special place within the tipi. The Keeper of the Soul vowed to live a life of harmony until the soul can be released - typically about a year. After a commemorative banquet and gift-giving ceremony, the bundle containing the soul was carried outside and released. It is said that the soul travels along the Spirit Path - Milky Way - to reach Mayá Owíčhapaha - the old woman who judges each soul. The one-year commemoration remains a common ceremony today. - "Seven Lakota Rites"
There are prophetic ideas linked to the white buffalo as well:
For many American Indians, the birth of a white buffalo calf is the most significant of prophetic signs, equivalent to many Christian signs such as weeping statues. - "Meaning of the Sacred White Buffalo"
This video tells the story of the White Buffalo Calf Woman:
General Associations
General associations include anything that occurs to me about the dream. It can have to do with plot, context, or symbolic meanings not previously explored.
The point of view in the dream was above, looking down. This, combined with the voiceover, suggested an omniscient, or all-knowing narrator. A group of people were observing the white buffalo below and the buffalo were what held their attention. The unseen group thought the white buffalo were important.
Waking Context
To me, the waking context of the dream matters. This context could include related events that seem to be connected with the dream as well as any prayers or petitions that precede it.
People have practiced dream incubation from ancient times to the present day. The practice can be simple or involved. The way I usually approach dream incubation is through prayer. In this instance, I was praying for insight on my writing and learning about dreams.
I have heard various priests say that we should just ignore our dreams and I understand why they have this opinion. But to me, Scripture and the early Church take a different view. In spite of that, I feel some conflict about working with my dreams.
Possible Meanings
- The dream reinforces the idea that dreams have meaning in many cultures. Dreams were valued in biblical times, as well as in many other cultures.
- There are common cross-cultural themes in this dream. I am a Catholic with an interest in American Indian culture and some very distant Indian heritage, so this feels right to me.
- I feel this dream speaks to the importance of following God (omniscient viewpoint), staying close to Jesus (lamb of God), working with my guardian angel (man in white), and cultivating virtue (holiness). These are all things to think about.
- Because a group of people are observing the buffalo, I think the dream might be of interest to others, which is why I've posted it to the blog.
- The story of the White Buffalo Calf woman is something that I want to reflect on further.
- There are prophetic elements in both the Indian and the biblical resources. I'm not sure what that means as of this writing, but I'm open to further insight.
- I usually share important dreams with a good Catholic friend who has a gift for dream interpretation. She gave me some wonderful insight on the dream I had prior to this one but we did not get to the buffalo dream yet.
As you may have noticed, I put a lot time into interpreting this dream even though it’s short. This is why I don't take a deep dive into most of my dreams, though I do record them all. To me, it is worth the effort because there is so much to learn!
What Is Shared Death Experience?
I heard famed near-death researcher Dr. Ray Moody speak on NDEs and shared death experience in 2015. But I didn't fully understand what a shared death experience was until I read Glimpses of Eternity (affiliate link) earlier this week.
A shared death experience occurs when a person takes part in the spiritual experience of someone who is dying. This experience can take many different forms. And Glimpses of Eternity does a great job of showcasing that.
Accounts of Shared Death Experience
Dr. Moody didn't hear about shared death experience until after his ground-breaking book on near-death experience, Life After Life (affiliate link) was published in 1975. The shared death phenomena has been studied before however (as doctor Moody points out), going all the way back to the early days of the Society for Psychical Research.
The 19th century book Phantasms of the Living (affiliate link), written by two prominent members of the Society, includes multiple examples of what were once called deathbed visions. Several cases from Phantasms of the Living are included in Glimpses of Eternity.
Shared death experience has also been discussed by Melvin Morse. MD in his book Parting Visions (affiliate link).
Like most of Dr. Moody's books, Glimpses of Eternity, features a wealth of first-hand accounts. These accounts include full-fledged out of body NDE-type events, the observation of unusual phenomena around the dying, extraordinary dreams and more.
I enjoyed reading these reports and feel there is a lot that we can learn from them.
Elements of a Shared Death Experience
In Glimpses of Eternity. Dr Moody provides a list of features common to the shared death experience. He is also very clear in saying that shared death experience may include several or as few as one of these elements and that he is aware of no shared death experiences that includes them all.
While most shared death experience occur in a waking state, Dr. Moody cites some that have occurred in dreams, including the 1988 shared death experience described by Melvin Morse. MD in Parting Visions.
The fact that some shared death experiences occur in dreams was of special interest to me because I once had an unusual dream about someone who was near death and then recovered. This dream included some of the elements Dr. Moody associates with shared death experience:
- A change of geometry, where rooms either change shape or appear to open into another reality Dr. Moody describes as a "different and larger dimension."
- A mystical light that Dr. Moody considers to one of the most profound features of a near-death experience. This light is often described as having substance. According to Dr. Moody it is "no ordinary light" but one that may lead to mystical experience and spiritual transformation. This light may fill the room, be observed in the eyes of the dying or in the translucent glow of the entire body of the person near death.
- Music that has no physical source but can be heard by the dying and others present.
- Co-living a life review similar to the type reported in a classic NDE except in this case the dying and healthy observer share the experience.
- An out-of-body state which Dr. Moody describes as a "fairly common" element of a shared death experience. This element is cited in some of the most profound and NDE-like shared death reports.
- Encountering unworldly or "heavenly" realms which may include a border or barrier. As with many NDEs this border may be a bridge, river or other boundary.
- The appearance of a fine mist that may have a human shape and tendency to drift upward and disappear.
What Can Shared Death Experience Tell Us?
When I heard Dr. Moody speak, he was quite excited about shared death experience. This was because the shared death experience contradicts the main argument people make about NDEs. This argument--that an NDE is the product of a dying brain--cannot be applied to perfectly healthy people who share the experience of someone else's passing.
Some first-hand shared death experiences described in Glimpses of Eternity involve entire groups of (healthy) people. In these cases, members of the group perceived varied - though coherent - phenomena. One or two observers might perceive light or a vision of the departed, for example, while others only hear music or have a sense that something unusual is happening. This supports the idea that the shared death experience is telepathic in nature.
Sometimes shared death experiences are predictive. At other times they announce that someone has died in another location. The fact that certain elements repeat from experience to experience is compelling.
The part of Glimpses of Eternity (affiliate link) that impressed me most, however, was the idea that shared and near-death experience may have played a part in the formation of religious beliefs about the afterlife. Noted individuals like Egyptologist Cyril Aldred, NDE researcher Kenneth Ring, PhD and Dr. Moody himself have all made this suggestion. To me, this makes sense.
Instead of undermining religious belief, I think it supports it.
Please check back for future posts on dreams, mystical experience and more, including my upcoming podcast and video about my own experience!
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This post includes Amazon Affiliate links. If you make a purchase through one of my links, I will get a small percentage of the sale, at no cost to you.
The History of My Channel
I started the MysticReview YouTube channel in 2011, just a few months after I started this blog. I posted a couple of videos shortly after starting the channel and then lost access.
I tried to get the channel back several times over the years and finally decided it was gone for good.
Then, earlier this year, I started blogging as the Mystic Review again. So I decided to try to get the channel back one last time. I asked myself, what was my very oldest gmail? And this time, I got it right.
I recovered my original Google account and regained access to the channel. To me, this seemed like a good sign and I'm excited about doing videos again.
The video above is my intro to the channel. I’m a little ghostly in it, thanks to turning my ring light on too high, but the next one will be better. Also I mentioned a shared NDE in the video. My experience was actually not necessarily that, but I'll talk about it more in an upcoming video or podcast.
I also post all of the same content to my podcast The Mystic Review, which is available on most popular podcast apps!
What’s Up Next on the Channel
One of the reasons I wanted to access the YouTube channel (after returning to the Church) was to take down the card reading video I'd posted way back when. But now that I can take it down, I've decided I don't want to.
I will NOT be returning to tarot. But there are a couple of points I'd like to make about divination (using my old card reading video as an example) in a future post.
The main point of this post is that it all worked out. And I’m planning future videos on books, courses, events and media on topics like dreams, altered states, psychic phenomena and the paranormal.
I may talk about faith from time to time (both in the blog and on the channel) but it isn't going to be my primary focus. Having said that, I will be staying within the parameters of Catholicism proper.
If any the topics mentioned interest you please subscribe to the channel!
Learn more about the Rhine Institute at RhineOnline.org!
Lecture and Meeting with Dr. Ray Moody
I heard Dr. Ray Moody speak on the topic of near-death experience in 2014. Like many people in the audience, I had been influenced by Dr. Moody's first book, Life After Life, and considered him an authority on near-death experience (a phrase coined by Moody himself).
Written in 1975, Life After Life, is based on case studies of people who reported having had very similar, apparently spiritual experiences when very near death. The book became a runaway best-seller and near-death experience (or NDE) became a household word.
I found Dr. Moody to be a charming and articulate speaker. His presentation covered a range of NDE related topics which included history, philosophy and the nature of the NDE itself. In this post I will touch upon some of them.
According to Dr. Moody, the common elements of the NDE included the experience of a hyper-reality which is largely indescribable, vivid color, a warm and loving light, the presence of deceased loved ones, a tunnel or passage, and a panoramic life review. In some NDEs a being of great compassion conducts the review and tells the individual that they must return to their former life.
This was of special interest to me because I had experienced NDE like elements in my dreams. These included hyper-reality, ineffability, vivid color, beings of warmth and love, meetings with the departed and various passages (train tracks, board walks, halls). These were not NDEs obviously but I did receive information I hadn't known about before. In several such dreams in fact, I learned of the death of people I'd lost contact with through the dream.
While I was aware of some of the similatities between these dreams and NDE at the time, there was one connection I did not make then, but have only come to recently.
The Influence of Ancient Greece
Durung the presentation, Dr. Moody talked about the ancient Greeks, and their ideas about life after death. He was especially interested in the practice of necromancy in ancient Greece. Because of this interest he had visited the ruins of the oracle of the dead in Greece, at Ephyra. Ephyra was a place once thought to be the gateway to the underworld.
Upon returning to his home in Anniston Alabama, Dr. Moody set about constructing his own oracle of the dead (or necromanteion). In his book, Reunions, Moody shares his own experience with the dead in his necromanteion and gives instructions in how to construct your own.
When I asked Dr. Moody for book recommendations at the close of the lecture, he gave me the names of two books on necromancy, The Greek Magical Papyri in Translation and Greek and Roman Necromancy. Both of which I bought.
One thing that stood out to me about the lecture then was something Dr. Moody said about a life almost wholly devoted to the study of NDE . Everything I have done in life, he told us, is because of my interest in ancient Greece.
Not faith. Not science. Greece.
At the time, I was just begiining to learn about Greek culture. So, I loved the fact that Dr. Moody and I shared the same interest.
Years later, the fact that Dr. Moody had recommended books on Greek necromancy made me uneasy. I even recorded a podcast saying that I was suspicious of NDE, due in part to it's connection to necromancy.
But my views have charged. An NDE is not necromancy, or at least not necessarily, and I am interested in the phenomena.
My Changing Perspective
For me, the most significant information given in Dr. Moody's lecture was something that didn't seem especially meaningful at the time: Dr. Moody's (then) current research interest in shared NDEs.
A shared NDE is when one individual's near-death experience is psychically shared by a second person, oftentimes a friend or family member of the dying.
I had a dream experience that may have some elements in common with a shared NDE and this is definitely something I want to look into. I will be talking about this dream and what I learn in a future video or podcast.
Where I'm at Now
I have been writing about dreams, spirits and psychic phenomena for thirteen years now and my thinking has evolved. I no longer accept everything the way I did when I first started out but I don't discount things out of hand (as I did in the early days of my return to the Faith) either.
I'm now very interested in the possible connection between NDE and psychic dreams. My most important dreams have NDE-like elements. This is something I want to explore further. So I decided to begin taking courses at the Rhine Research Center in order to do that.
I have just started my first course but I plan to continue with the study of parapsychology and eventually get my certificate. The name of this course I'm taking now is Dreams and Altered States of Consciousness which is absolutely perfect. Just like God's providence.
As always. I will keep you posted!
Dr. Moody and Me
Dr. Ray Moody is a lovely, gracious man who has made an amazing contribution to our understanding of NDE and I am honored to have met him!
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
It was almost three A.M. on a summer night in 2007 and I was wide awake.
So I passed the long sleepless night on the computer, drifting from one website to the next, until I stumbled upon a bible passage I knew by heart.
The 23rd Psalm.
I remembered how I had committed this psalm to memory as a child and how I used to recite it before bed whenever things seemed dark. So I said the old familiar passage right there over the keyboard and then I set aside my laptop and fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning with a sense of excitement I hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever.
I didn’t usually remember my dreams, but I remembered this one. It was detailed and magical and absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.
Heart pounding, I turned on my laptop and captured my journey through the night as quickly as I could.
*
Aside from the headings and a few minor edits, what follows is the account of the dream, as I typed it out that morning. It’s a little long, but I’ve divided it into five parts to make it easier to read and to better show the structure.
The Dream
Part I: The Hospital
As the dream opens, I’m approaching a big hospital. I’m working as a nurse again and this is the first day of a new job and I’m not sure where to go (a common problem in many similar dreams). I go to several outside doors and find them locked. Finally, at the last door I find an elderly woman on the ground in severe pain. She tells me that she has had two difficult surgeries and that she will die before she goes back to the hospital again.
I don’t know what to do or say, so I go in through the door. I’m looking for the emergency room and at first I am lost. After asking for (and not understanding) directions (another common work dream problem) I wander onto an elevator. There is a young doctor in a brilliant white coat inside the elevator. I tell him what has happened, and he gets off and goes with me to see the woman and her relatives, who are there with her. He tells them that she doesn’t have to come into the hospital if she doesn’t want to and they take her away.
I am at a brightly lit a nurse’s station. I have the feeling that I’ve been working here for some time. And that there are no bad feelings associated with that (which has never happened to me in dreams about nursing or in my nursing career in general). The young doctor is at the station too, looking at charts. After a moment, he stops and says that he has to move away soon and that he needs to learn the route by traveling it. He suggests that we all need time away from our work and that we should go on an adventure together.
Part II: The Journey
We take two cars. There is an odd assortment of women (presumably nurses). One is very beautiful. Her eyes are a bright vivid blue and her face is high-boned and delicate. She wears a layered gown of shimmering blue silk and I find her very exotic. Around her neck hangs a deep blue sapphire necklace and some of the bluest lapis I have ever seen.
There is an older woman, as well. She looks like a woman I know in real life. She is sweet and lost and seemingly lonely, just like her real-life counterpart. There are several other women. One is young and withdrawn; the others have already faded. As it turns out, this is a journey of discovery. There are moments of awkwardness because I don’t know anyone well, but there are other moments that seem almost euphoric.
We are on a train and I spend time alone. I am sitting in a day car with many windows. The car is rushing through a sunny countryside though I am more aware of the streaming sun than I am the scenery. As I sit, an idea for a book overtakes me. The images and characters and dialogue are vivid. And they stream through my mind so quickly it is all I can do to write them down. The story is about a man involved with two women. One is young and beautiful, but she is also married and in the end, he chooses the one who is unencumbered. The manuscript flashes by from beginning to end. Somehow I capture it.
A lot of different things happen. Sometimes we’re on the train and sometimes it seems that we have disembarked along our way. We are in a jewelry store. I see many lovely things. I look at a small locket depicting a traditionally Catholic guardian angel with children, but it’s small and drab - nothing like the beautiful pieces worn by the woman in blue. I sense that it is all that is available to me but I don't buy it. In another scene, the women and I decide to swap clothing. I have a single article of clothing I’m proud of—some sort of gold and red top. I offer it to the woman in blue and she accepts it.
Part III: Our Destination
It seems that we have arrived at university or school. The woman in blue shows me a sort of screen that is not a television but a bright flowing blue divided into many different shades which appear as if pressed between two panes of clear glass. The screen swivels like an old-fashioned chalkboard and the many shades of blue swirl together in changing breathtaking patterns. It is vividly blue and has a shine to it that is almost metallic. It reminds me of a sand art item I saw once in a variety store but much, much better. Its beauty and the spectrum of blue is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.
The women and I are together in a classroom. A book review or lecture is being delivered. A man is showing us pictures from a book he has written. At first the content seems Buddhist and then it’s something else, but I don’t remember clearly just how it is different. We’re all moved by his presentation and find it very inspiring. For some reason, we know all about him and are surprised he’s become so spiritual. It seems that he was famous in some way earlier in life and that he had a bad reputation at that time.
Then I am outside with the young doctor. He asks me about my parents and I tell him something. briefly, without going into detail. He letters a sort of monument to my father (in cobalt blue). He invites me to letter the one for my mother myself, but his lettering is perfect and I have terrible handwriting (in dreams and in life). So I ask him to do it for me and he does. The monument only has my parents' names. Or I think it does because I don’t recognize the characters or letters. The monument includes no information about who they were or what they did. But it seems complete as is.
My mother’s monument transforms into an ornament made out of clear glass with deep blue lettering. I know that I’m supposed to hang it in a tree at our family homestead and, all at once, I am there. It’s not the big main farmhouse where my mother grew up but something similar to the smaller house that she lived in before my grandfather inherited the farm. There is something about the tree having been cut back in preparation. I hang the ornament on a branch and leave.
Part IV: The Return Trip
I find myself back on the train and discover an old book. The cover is a work of art—old fashioned, intricate, tooled leather. It is dusty and a bit worse for wear, but still handsome. I’m very impressed with it. I open it and see I have written it. I’m surprised but, at the same time, I remember.
Finally, we’re at the end of our journey. We sit at a big table and talk about how we have changed. I’m wearing a sparkling red ruby or garnet bracelet. We decide that we should exchange jewelry as souvenirs of our trip.
I don’t want to give up my bracelet, but I offer it anyway, secretly hoping that the woman in blue will give me some of her lapis. Instead, she gives her jewelry to the older woman (who has nothing to offer her in return). I feel disappointed but understand that this is the right thing to do. Although my desire for the beautiful blue gemstones is strong, there is no associated envy or bitterness. I feel strongly that all is as it should be.
The young doctor thanks us and tells us that he now knows the route he should take to his new home. He does not return to the hospital and I am not sure if the women return either. I have a sense of parting. It is bittersweet, but I know it feels right and I have no regrets.
Part V: Back to the Beginning
Finally, I am back at the hospital. Someone is holding a funeral for the woman who was lying in pain just outside of the door when I first arrived. The funeral is being held on the other side of the large parking lot. It is far away, at the edge of the lot, but I can see a seated effigy draped in red and understand that this effigy represents the woman who has died.
I am now inside the hospital. A patient on the floor where I work has passed and I remember that he was the man who taught us when we were away. I know his history, so I’m not surprised that he died alone. I’m not sad about it either because I remember his lecture and know that he was at peace.
As I am leaving his room, or perhaps the floor, a young girl comes in and asks for the man. She says that she is his granddaughter and I tell her he is gone. Surprisingly, I find the right words. I tell her that it’s alright, that he has changed, and for some reason her tears are cathartic for both of us. We leave the hospital together and I have the feeling that everything has come full circle.
*
I finished typing out the dream and turned off my laptop.
I was sitting on the same couch I’d slept on, wearing the same sweat pants and t-shirt I’d worn the day before. The room was still small and cluttered, and the stereo from the house next door was already blasting.
But everything had changed.
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This post is excerpted from my upcoming book The Spirit Dream.
© 2024 Barbara Graver. All rights reserved.
Today marks the one year anniversary of a good friend's passing. And I have been thinking of him even though our friendship ended many years ago.
We
said goodbye apparently for good in 1984 when he was making plans to
leave the area and I was making plans to marry someone else.
Naturally,
a great deal has happened in the intervening years. So it's not
surprising, or in anyway indicative of my feelings, that it had been a
long time since I'd thought of those days at all.
But three weeks ago I had a dream. And my friend Tim was the leading character. He was young and handsome in the dream and taller than I remembered. There was a remarkable brightness about him. And I know that kind of brightness.
He looked different but I recognized his energy. Sensing it as if I was standing next him, stepping back in time to re-experience the soul vibration of a person I once loved.
In the dream, we met by chance. I was living alone in a big sunny apartment and he was working at a nearby market. We bumped into each other at his work and he asked if he could see me. Later on, standing in my dream apartment he told me he'd wanted to contact me before but that he was afraid that doing so would stir up old half-forgotten feelings.
And then he explained what he had felt so very long
ago and the hows and whys of what he did, and didn't, do. The
information was new but surprisingly coherent, fitting in neatly with
events I had wondered about but not fully understood at the time.
Seeing our history in this new light changed things. I no longer felt
responsible. My old remorse lifted.
After we had finished talking, we set out together on a wide boardwalk with long strings of golden lights on either side. There was some kind of festival happening around us and I was happy in a way I'd almost forgotten. I told him that he was right about the emotion. "I can feel it," I said. "Can you?"
He didn't answer or if he did, I don't remember. There was a knowing that our time was ending and that he had brought me back to where I was supposed to be. When I woke up and considered the brilliance and the clarity of the dream, I knew that he had passed.
I pulled my laptop into bed and found the obituary online. Tim's picture (left) showed the same beautiful smile I'd loved so long ago. I saw that he had died in a hospice at the age of 53. I was sad that I didn't know but I was happy to think that he'd made it through okay.Thank you for remembering me, as I remember you.
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This post is adapted from my upcoming book The Spirit Dream. ©2024 Barbara Graver Wilder. All rights reserved.
When I finished my upcoming book, The Spirit Dream, and turned it over to beta readers, I got some great feedback. The comments on NDE and psychic phenomena, in particular, convinced me to include an alternate viewpoint on those topics.
A few days later, Catholic apologist Jimmy Akin mentioned parapsychology and the Rhine Institute on his Mysterious World podcast. As it turns out, he actually taught a class on parapsychology at the Rhine. I like Jimmy Akin, so that got my attention. By the end of the day, I'd ordered a new book on parapsychology.
After reading that book, Parapsychology: The Controversial Science (affiliate link), I couldn't deny that there is statistically significant research on psychic phenomena, precognitive dreams and NDE. I realized that I had been too black and white in my thinking, both in my media and the The Spirit Dream. After some thought, I made the difficult decision to rewrite parts of the book and make some significant changes both here in the blog and in my media.
This isn’t a 180-degree turn. I still think demonic influence is real, and that discernment is important. I still want The Spirit Dream to be cautionary in the regard. But I also think that my time as an evangelical might have influenced me more than I initially thought.
In Parapsychology: The Controversial Science, the author talks Benedict XIV and his work as promotor fidei. He ends that section by saying that Catholics were the first parapsychologists because we didn’t just accept miracles at face value and say, this supports our position. We investigated them with rigor. And to me, that is one of the things that sets Catholicism apart. We value truth.
Now I have a new book called The Philosopher King: The Humanist Pope Benedict XIV (affiliate link), which came all the way from England and from the library of journalist, novelist and parapsychologist, Andrew Carr Mackenzie. And I can't wait to read it.
Lastly, if the scholarship stars align, I may be taking a course at the Rhine Institute about dreams and consciousness and possibly other parapsychology classes after that. My first major in school was experimental psychology, and I'm still interested in the science.
As always, I'll keep you updated!
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When I shut down The Mystic Review in early 2018, I didn't think I'd ever come back to it. But, for some reason, I hung onto the domain. And I kept the original blogging platform, too.
Instead of deleting my old posts, I simply unpublished them. This came in handy when I decided to write my testimony. To my mind, however, those old posts told the story of the person I used to be. Not the person I had become.
But that wasn't entirely accurate.
Starting and Restarting
I started The Mystic Review in 2010 when I was struggling to make sense of a very unusual dream. The blog was a place where I could share my search for answers and I loved doing that.
Unfortunately, the search I’d undertaken led into the New Age and floundered. Returning to my Catholic faith was another story.
Unlike the New Age, Catholicism answered all the big questions. Why are we here? Where are we going? How should we proceed?
I’m grateful for those answers and the certainty that the Faith provides.
But in writing my testimony, I realized that there were other questions in between the big ones. And I cared about those answers, too. So it made sense to come back to The Mystic Review and try again.
As of this writing the blog includes a mix of old and new(er) posts, many of which need to be updated. So I hope you'll bear with me on that.
The newer posts were posts I added to the platform after I returned to the Faith. I don't necessarily agree with everything said in these posts. I've unpublished some of these but probably not all.
The older posts need to be sorted. Most will remain unpublished. Some will be updated. A few will be re-published, as is.
I hope to add new posts a few times a month. Topics will include dreams, angels, psychic phenomena, miracles, paranormal investigation, prayer, NDEs, spirits and more. Spiritual posts will reflect a Catholic perspective. But not all posts will be spiritual in nature.
I hope you will check back!
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